I frantically cling to life like a rapacious beast that defies its own preordained timeline, teetering between the narrow threshold of this realm and the enigmatic afterlife.
As I continue to desperately struggle, attempting to maintain my decaying presence in this world, I find myself constantly pondering over one question: “What am I even living for?” I habitually ask myself in my perpetual, forlorn mind.
What was my purpose for battling death so vehemently? What is the purpose of life itself? What is hidden within the deep crevices of my psyche that compels me to endeavor through life’s many catastrophes? More importantly, why do I desire to live through the tragedies of this world?
I fought to survive, I fought to keep myself and my loved ones alive like a burning flame that began to gradually dwindle and recede into a glowing ember, and yet, I did not know the reason why. As cataclysmic wars ensued, fortresses ultimately crumbled, and lives fatally ruined among the turbulent chaos like apathetic tornadoes ravaging a village and leaving nothing behind as it departed, I began to realize the truth as if it was a random epiphany: I discovered my purpose to live a long time ago.
I wondered, “Isn’t finding my purpose to live, my purpose in life?” I desired to know why I was brought into this world, I desired to know how my actions, my ostensible achievements and regrettable transgressions, affected this world, I wanted to know what all this struggling was for. Maybe looking for my purpose, the reason why I struggle, is the very quintessence of living. Maybe I believe some sort of serendipity will occur if I continue to walk forward with hope and perseverance as I always have. Maybe I believe I can give the world a transcending metanoia of which no one has ever seen, and will change for the better, maybe I believe that happiness and satisfaction for all the obstacles that I have been forced to overcome is awaiting at the end of my path, maybe I believe there is happiness and satisfaction along the way to the end, maybe I believe there is a path with an end to walk towards to.
Whatever the answer to this stifling enigma was, I knew I would keep fighting to live until my physical body broke down into dust, as I always have, and that, to me, is life.